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I’m feeling it.

Kelsey is sick.

Ben is sick.

Kelsey should be having two hours of therapy six days a week.  Instead she’s fighting the flu.  Dave has an especially busy work week.  Snow is coming which means school will most-likely be affected throughout the week. The load is heavy and I’m feeling it.

I’m forced to wonder if leaving Kennedy Krieger was the right decision.  It was the plan for months. And although it wasn’t the right place for Kelsey, as far as we were concerned, she would have gotten the therapy she needed.  Yeah I would be burdened to share a room with a stranger in a cramped room but other burdens may not have presented themselves.  I’m pretty confident she did not catch the flu virus until we were back home at school and therapy.

Illnesses aside, she can’t walk.  And I’m aching to be back to our normal.  I’m praying, getting time to myself now and then, exercising (occasionally), and drinking the wine.  But none of that is helping.  By leaving the hospital, we put the burden of rehabilitation on ourselves.  The load is heavy and I’m feeling it.

This life we live is rich and beautiful but it’s also hard.  Brutal, even. It’s a Brutiful Life,(Melton, 2013). Writing often helps me to cope which brought me here today. I know this is a dark time and the light will come again.  But for now I’ll just try to trust that our instincts were right and that medicine will make my family stop hurting so that we can start thriving again.

Thanks for listening.  More than gifts and meals, it’s what helps the most.

Gotta run…someone needs me.  Again.

4 thoughts on “Burdens

  1. As always, sending love, Kim! I am sorry it is a dark time. Unfortunately you’ve been through enough dark times (WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY more than enough dark times) to know that the light will be coming. I will pray that is comes soon rather than later. -Erin


  2. It’s amazing to live this life in a western world. We are taught there is a beginning, middle and end. T.V. shows (setup, hunt and resolve); seasons (first signs, events, ends), life events (plan, experience, remember)…and yet your life seems to follow the eastern world….be in, experience, always, on-going….. It’s not that you don’t see/experience any growth or changes. It’s just a mind #%$ that we expect that to mean resolution, ending. You experience and know on such a deep level that there are some unrelenting conditions and your continuing to walk, and love, and share and abide and slog is nothing short of amazing. The grace of God.

    Liked by 1 person

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